How to choose your family ?

      

I think it's also really important to have a good family too, to be in a warm and peaceful environment when you are there. Choosing the family it's the most difficult things to do but it's also the more important because if you feel good in the house and in the family you're in, you're going to enjoy your experience much better. It's very important to ask questions of course about the kids, if they are dynamic or peaceful, if they cry a lot. It can be really hard questions to ask but it's also really good to know yourself on that point and to know what you can handle, what you can bear and what you can't.  It's also really important to ask your family how they behave as a family, what routine they have if they eat all together, if they want you to do to prepare the meals, how much they want you to take part in the organization of the the daily routine in the daily life of the family. It also depends on where your room is and how it's organized because in my case I had my own room. Even more than that I had an entire apartment because they had a garage next to the house but it in a different building and above their garage they had an entire apartment for guests and I was able to use all the apartment just for myself. Indeed I had a lot of space, a lot of intimacy, a lot of privacy and it was really easier to distinguish the moments off work from the ones I was minding the kids. Because when I wasn't working I didn't have to see the kids at all, it was a clear break between the two moments. Usually it's different in all families because you're just having a room in the house. Sometimes you share a bathroom, sometimes not, sometimes your room is upstairs and you're just alone so pay attention to the conditions. It also depends on how old qre the kids I mean if they are really young they can cried during the night then they can wake up really early in the morning then can have issues to sleep so you really have to know what you want there. It's not just about "Oh I like young kids" or "Oh I prefer older ones" but it really depends on the situation. It also depends on how flexible is the family. I myself prefer families that are really more flexible and where you don't have a daily routine with strict schedules all the time. I believe for me it was easier this way, when you can do the dishes or the washing machines when feel it's necessary. I helped with housework whenever I felt it would be good. But again it depends on how you are and what you want. My family was really amazing for that and they were really understanding. They were giving me sometimes just a few tasks like "please can you empty the dishwasher?" or "maybe can you just hoover the floor because there's a lot of crumbs on the floor" and I would always do something more like tidying up the playroom, doing some laundry or doing some ironing whatever can help if i had the time. And also, of course, play with the kids, imagine new games, doing crafts, playing in the garden,  just laugh with them, read books, it's always a good way to create bonds .

How to manage working hours and free time ?

      

With the kids and the work it can be hard to manage to keep some space for you. But keep in mind to take time for yourself to have rests and that you can't be playing with the kids the whole day. I think they need to know how to play by themselve, how to play alone this is really important for their imagination. Some days I was the whole day with the kids and it's really really really hard because you are so tired at the end of the day, they're always asking you questions. You also have the difficult task to resist the temptation of putting them in front of TV especially if your family is not really cool with that. So you have to create strategies to keep them busy and to create space for you as well.

How to get along with the family ?

Creating bonds with the kids took me a long time at the beginning even if I was really cool with the family really happy to be there and the kids were so warm as well. I was minding three kids, Beth was 8 years old, Henry who was aged 5 and has Down syndrome and Emily who was aged three. Most of the time I was minding the youngest one because she had no school some days and she has just pre school in the afternoon so we were alone sometimes the whole day so it was easier to create bonds with her first. She was so small and she she needed attention. She always wanted me to read her books, to play to the Tea Party with her she was so cool when we were just the both of us. I can tell you one of the problem I had with her at the beginning, it's that she was afraid to take a bath. Her mom she had issues too with that so she asked me if I can gave her a bath in the morning when we were just the two of us.  I helped her to create a nice and good ritual together, we were just sharing the time and I helped her to learn how to play in the bath. One day I just said "okay I'm just going downstairs because I have some things to do but you can play" and she was playing all alone in the bath and at the end she was playing more than an hour in the bath alone. At the end she would ask me every Thursdays if she could take a bath. At the beginning of these ritual I allowed her to watch TV after the bath, just one episode of something just as a reward.  I really believe that kind of moments creates bonds and you create something joyful, peaceful together. 

      

I had bigger issues to create bonds with there with the eldest one because she was in school the whole day and she was older and she was kind of overthinking things and she was so shy. I tried to make homework a cool and relax moment and she loved that. She told me once I made homework fun. We were able to share homework moment and she was better and better every time we would do that together. She loved when we were doing crafts or even more when we were cooking. She loved to cook and to bake especially. So when I understood that I was trying to do cakes with her every week but not too much because she was a sweet addict and her mum was not too happy when I was doing cakes all the time. But she loved to bake so we were doing it more often because it was really an activity we both loved and through we were bonding. When I left their hourse I offered her a cooking book for kids.

How to get used to new habits and environment ?

I believe that the most difficult things to do when you arrive in a foreign country is to get used to new habits.

      

   

The organization of meals and how food is different from France was the most difficult for me. They don't have the same vegetables, the same way to cook and the same way to take all their meals. They have a breakfast where they were all eating milk plus cereals and they had a lot of different things that I didn't know like porridge and Weetabix. I really didn't know at the beginning how to make porridge or how to use Weetabix but then I just asked. They can be really like disturbing at first when you're used to eat bread and butter every morning because there's no bread in Ireland or what they call bread is what we call "pain de mie" in France. They have no cafeteria in school so they're all bringing their lunch box so that's new too because in Fra,ce you're eating in school or you just come back to your home every midday. When you prepare kids for school you just have to make sure that their lunch boxes are ready and that they brought adrink for the day. What strikes me at the beginning is that they eat the same thing over and over again like we have really more various food in France, I would say we never eat the same things and we are always changing between vegetables and different kind of meat and preparations. In Ireland in my case it was always the same food they were serving. For your lunch they would have a bread sandwich with either ham or cheese and some fruit and sometimes a yoghurt. For dinner it was 80% of the time a meat that they put in the slow cooker and potatoes and peas. Sometimes they add a sauce they bought like mint or apple sauce or they would do a what they call gravy. Gravy was a kind of powder that they mixed with boiling water as a sauce. It's very different than the way we are cooking in France but you'll get used to it. And if you just like adventures because it's a new country you're there to discover new things to get along with new habits and this is kind of good.  When I was back in France I was so sad because I couldn't find any bagel bread and this is such a shame. The hardest would have been dinner hour. They would eat their dinner really early in the afternoon like 6pm but sometimes it's more 5 in the afternoon. 

Another disturbing habits would be the weather. It's really windy as it's an island and they have a lot of storms every week. It's a very changing weather like rain and then a big sun shine. The cold is much more there than the part I come from in France. 

   

But the most difficult of course is the English speaking part. You have your own skills in English when you arrive, usually you're just able to ask basic stuff and basic sentences. But getting along with the conversation in the first days, understanding all the tasks and the rules that you have to you know and remember in the house can be a problem. It's so much informations in English it makes the beginning really harder. I was really shy at first but I think I didn't want to just be with myself and miss my chance with the family. I tried to open up and discuss with them. You're going to get used to their way of talking to their accent and you're going to understand more and more their conversations, the questions they ask. You're going to learn so much more vocabulary this way and it helps to create bonds as well. . As I was staying in the countryside of Ireland, they had a thick accent and I had issues to understand my host dad or the grandma. But a month or two later I was really more confident because they were really kind and they were always telling me that I had a good English. It makes you more confident to talk, to ask questions and it was really easier for me to understand them because you're used to their way of talking because you are with him everyday so your ears are getting used to them.

How to make friends as an au pair in a foreign country ?

I became an aupair at the end of my studies so it was a complete new rhythm for me and as you are in a foreign country in a foreign family in a new place you have to create new habits just for yourself. The rhythm and the routine of the day is of course determined on how and when the family needs you. But as you will have a lot of free time it's really important that you manage to fill the spaces because you can be really homesick especially at the beginning. You have to find new activities to keep yourself busy. As I was in the countryside I wasn't really independant to move to the city because they had to drop me to the bus stop evrytime I needed. So I had to plan my trips in advance and ask them if they were free to drive me there or there. They also manage to put me into aupair groups in the neighborhood. I was inside a WhatsApp group for aupairs and they had a meeting in a small city next to where I lived (in Midleton) every Wednesday evening in a pub. I went there the first time to meet people. I also met their closest au pair who was in the same countryside in the same village as I was. We became friends and then she arranged a meeting with two other au pairs in the city the next weekend and we became a group. We're still really close and I did so much stuff with them. We were going on weekends discovering Ireland, doing bus tour or just spending the afternoon in the city in a coffee house, walking, doing some shopping. It was really good to be able to share the aupair experience with them. We were going through the same troubles, the same questions and we were kind of the same age. My friends were German so we were forced to speak English and that's how I improved the most. Making new friends is an important part of the experience so make sure that there's an au pair community in the neighborhood next to you host family.

*****

The aupair experience was such a break and such a relief because it creates space in my life. The space I needed after my studies and I learned so many things in a very different way than I was doing when I was studying. I met new people I got to be more social and so much more confident in my abilities especially the one to speak English. I can't recommend more the experience, it's really good to leave your family, be in a foreign country and find how to be confident on your own.